This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This is the 450th week, and we’re covering the Saturday afternoon session of the April 2006 General Conference.
There are very, very strong stereotypes of what a social conservative, patriarchal, hierarchical religion like the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is supposed to teach about masculinity. And those stereotypes cannot survive contact with what our prophets and apostles actually teach us. Case in point: Nurturing Marriage, by then-Elder, now-President Nelson.
He opens the talk with this anecdote:
On a recent flight, I sat behind a husband and wife. She obviously loved her husband. As she stroked the back of his neck I could see her wedding ring. She would nestle close to him and rest her head upon his shoulder, seeking his companionship.
In contrast, he seemed totally oblivious to her presence. He was focused solely upon an electronic game player. During the entire flight, his attention was riveted upon that device. Not once did he look at her, speak to her, or acknowledge her yearning for affection.
His inattention made me feel like shouting: “Open your eyes, man! Can’t you see? Pay attention! Your wife loves you! She needs you!”
Obviously Latter-day Saints don’t perfectly follow the teachings we receive. I am not going to argue that culturally we have no issues with an ego- and power-centric view of masculinity as domineering and exploitative. But these faults absolutely can’t be laid at the fault of our General Authorities, a group of men who exhibit and extol a gentle, service-focused masculinity and always puts the needs, interests, and concerns of women and children first.
Marriage is vitally important to us Latter-day Saints, probably more important than to any other people in the world. That’s because we uniquely believe that, as President Nelson put it, “Marriage is the foundry for social order, the fountain of virtue, and the foundation for eternal exaltation.” Practically: it’s the foundry for social order. Theologically: it’s the foundation for eternal exaltation. It is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel” and it “was intended by the Lord to endure beyond physical death.”
In fact–and this is something that in my experience far too few Latter-day Saints appreciate–marriage and family are more important than the Church, in the sense that the Church exists for families (rather than the reverse). President Nelson:
As I meet with priesthood leaders, I often ask about the priorities of their various responsibilities. Usually they mention their important Church duties to which they have been called. Too few remember their responsibilities at home. Yet priesthood offices, keys, callings, and quorums are meant to exalt families. Priesthood authority has been restored so that families can be sealed eternally. So brethren, your foremost priesthood duty is to nurture your marriage—to care for, respect, honor, and love your wife. Be a blessing to her and your children.
This is what it means to be a man in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is what masculinity is for. It is to care for, respect, honor, and love your wife and to be a blessing to her and your children. You want an opposite to “toxic masculinity”? Here it is.